Question:
“Salaam Khadija. I’m really losing focus on my Deen, Astagfurallah. May Allah forgive me please!! I have so much regret in my heart.. I’ve stopped praying and I only pray when I start to think to myself to become a better person. I started to do bad things (sexually) by myself. I lie to everyone who asks me about prayer. And I say that I’ve prayed and I’m trying to become a better person but I don’t know how, please help me.”
Answer:
Waalaikumussalaam, dear.
Firstly, the fact that you even wrote all of this and sent it to me means that you want to change. You have the desire to be better in your heart, and as long as you hold onto that, you WILL get better.
Secondly, please read this verse – Allah ﷻ is talking to YOU here:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ
“Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.’” [39:53]
Allah ﷻ is talking to you, dearest.
He’s addressing you personally and He’s telling you that there’s no sin that you can possibly commit (besides Shirk) that is greater than His mercy and grace and love and forgiveness.
Now read this verse:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنُ مَا غَرَّكَ بِرَبِّكَ ٱلْكَرِيمِ
“O mankind. What has deceived you / deluded you / caused you to turn away from your Rabb, the Most Generous?” [82:6]
Try to feel that Allah ﷻ is asking you this, in the entire Quran and through our whole Deen, Allah has called YOU toward Himself. Then what is it about this Dunya and your own Nafs that has deluded you about His love, His generosity, and His kindness?
Of course, Allah ﷻ loves those who are pious and modest and have Taqwa and do Ihsan, but He also says in the Quran:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ
“Indeed, Allah loves those who constantly turn to Him in repentance.” [2:222]
Isn’t that the easiest way of becoming His beloved?
You’ll slip, you’ll fall, you’ll sin, but you have to keep getting back up. You can’t let Shaytan and your Nafs win. You have to keep doing Taubah, keep turning back, no matter how many times you fall into sin.
The Sahabah Karaam used to say that when we want to talk to Allah ﷻ, we pray Salah. And when we want Allah ﷻ to talk to us, we read the Quran. Pray your Salah, dear. Read the Quran. Take it one day at a time.
Never doubt Allah’s mercy or His willingness to accept you when you sincerely turn back to Him.
Start taking steps to change, whether that’s through:
1. Changing your company to associate with the sincere, good people in your community.
2. Learning more about the Deen from authentic scholars and teachers.
3. Getting 1-1 Islamic coaching tailored to your circumstances.
4. All of the above.
May Allah ﷻ forgive your sins, soften your heart, make Salah beloved to you again, protect you from what distances you from Him, and grant you the strength to keep turning back to Him no matter how many times you fall. Ameen.
