Question:
How does one overcome regret? I had an opportunity and I didn’t take it, and that opportunity won’t come back now, and it kills me and just eats me away internally.
How do I overcome this? It just breaks me apart, I wish I had taken it and I know people say you can learn from it. which is fine, but it won’t bring the opportunity back and that’s just so hard to accept that I can’t experience that again and it’s gone. It really hurts, sometimes it goes away, the pain of regret, but then it comes back many times.
Any advice?
جزاك الله خيرا
Answer:
Waalaikumussalaam, dear. Jazakillahu khayr for your question.
I know it’s easier said than done, but allow yourself to sit with the feeling of regret.
Try to understand the message its trying to convey about your fears, faith, and aspirations.
At the same time, if you’re not at a point where you can be grateful for the lost opportunity, don’t be.
Don’t force yourself to feel what you’re not feeling. Sit with your regret, journal about it, or talk about it to a therapist or coach.
Remind yourself that your regret in life can’t possibly be greater than the Sahabi (Harish bin Hisham ra) who had ample opportunity to accept Islam in Makkah, but came to accept Islam after the Conquest of Makkah and regretted that he couldn’t participate in Badr and Uhud.
Or the regret of Prophet Yunus (as) when he left his nation before being granted permission by Allah (swt), and he was reprimanded for it by being swallowed by the whale.
Or the regret of our parents Adam and Hawwa (as) when they ate the fruit of the forbidden tree and were cast down to Earth.
So if you think about it, regret is a very natural, nearly universal human experience. Allow yourself to believe that whatever missed you wasn’t meant for you.
Even if it feels like you let it slip away through your own actions.
Because in reality it slipped away by the Will, Planning, and Wisdom of Allah ﷻ.
May Allah ﷻ bless you with contentment, peace, and better opportunities than the one you lost. Ameen.
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