Do you wonder why some relationships last for decades while some fall apart within the first few years, or even months?
What keeps some people committed through the thick and thin, while other people run as soon as they hit the first challenge?
What makes a relationship actually worth the tears, pain, and hurt – and when should you leave?
Understanding the 7 stages every relationship goes through will help you make sense of why some relationships last, while others fall apart.
The 7 Stages of a Relationship
Every intimate relationship goes through the following stages:
- Attraction
- Connection
- Power struggle
- Acceptance
- Consistency
- Commitment
- Intimacy
1. Attraction
Attraction is the first stage of a relationship in which two people are naturally attracted to each other.
This is when you feel infatuated with your partner, falling head over heels, having warm fuzzies and butterflies in your stomach, all that sort of fluff.
Attraction carries its own merit, of course, but alone it’s not enough to hold two people together for the long run.
2. Connection
The second stage is connection. In this stage, friendship is added to the mix.
This is the first true test of any relationship because you can be attracted to anyone, but can you connect meaningfully with this person?
This is the stage where you start to ask yourself these questions:
- Can I be completely authentic with this person?
- Does this person have my best interests at heart?
- Would this person, if they were a true friend, intentionally hurt me or cause me harm?
If you answer YES to the first two and NO to the last – you’re good to go.
3. Power Struggle
This is the next natural phase of an intimate relationship when you enter into a power struggle.
This is when you start to compete with each other with both of you in your little corners saying,
“I don’t care about what you want, you don’t care about what I want. My priority is my own set of preferences, and for you to meet my needs. Your priority is your own set of preferences, and for me to meet your needs.”
In a relationship where two people only use (and even abuse) the other person to meet their own personal needs, there can be no true intimacy, connection, respect, or trust.
How many relationships do you see stuck in the power struggle stage and accepting it as normal married life?
No matter how common it is to see relationships stuck in the power struggle stage, this is not what a healthy relationship is about.
For a relationship to be healthy, you have to successfully navigate the power struggle stage and move on to the next step.
4. Acceptance
The fourth stage of a relationship is acceptance. It’s only when people move out of the childish need to control one another that they can move into the stage of acceptance.
This is when you decide to commit to something beyond just your own needs. You have to commit to the marriage, and to understanding each other’s perspectives.
An important thing to remember is that you can’t enter a relationship expecting to be readily accepted for who you are because it does take time. That’s not what acceptance means here.
Real acceptance is about unity and making a conscious effort to prioritize the health of the relationship, and each other’s needs, over your own personal agenda.
5. Consistency
If you’ve come out of the power struggle stage with acceptance and understanding, you’re ready to enter the stage of consistency.
Think back to the early days of your marriage and recreate the magic of that beautiful time by being consistent with what you did back then.
How did you dress? What extra effort did you put in to make your partner feel treasured?
If you want to keep the spark in your marriage alive, consistency is key.
It’s a genuine sign of your respect for each other to make an effort for the other person and to look attractive, to actively make an effort to not let your partner get bored.
You might not want to put in the extra bit of effort, you might not have to, but you CHOOSE to make an effort for them as a sign of your commitment – this goes a long, long way to keep your relationship strong.
6. Commitment
The sixth stage is being committed to your partner.
You know there’s no one else for you but your partner, and they feel the same way.
You’re both fully committed to making your marriage stand the test of time and all the challenges, hardships, and struggles life brings, standing united as one team.
Committing to your partner means choosing them, over and over again, every single day.
7. Intimacy
Isn’t it strange that a healthy relationship starts with attraction, but true intimacy doesn’t come until the end, once you’ve successfully navigated your relationship through all of the stages of friendship and acceptance?
Because there’s no intimacy like the intimacy that grows with years of trust, friendship, and commitment.
Getting to this stage brings fulfillment like nothing else.
This is the type of marriage that adds years to your life and acts as a protective factor for your physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual wellbeing.
Reflection Questions
👉🏼 If you find yourself stuck coming out of the earlier infatuation days and getting stuck in the power struggle stage – how can you navigate your differences to preserve the health of your marriage?
And if you’re single and terrified of marriage after seeing the countless examples all around you of emotional abuse, infidelity, disrespect, and hurt caused by couples stuck in the power struggle stage –
👉🏼 Are you doing the work necessary to heal so you don’t end up repeating the same mistakes?
If not…
Join my 12-week program to help you heal before you get married!
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