How can you cope with rough times as a Muslim? What are the coping strategies that will pull you through?
The truth is that we’re all struggling with one trial or the other. There’s a test in every household, in every family, and in every life.
Allah ﷻ Himself says in the Quran al-Kareem:
“Surely We will test you with a bit of fear and hunger, and loss in wealth and lives and fruits, and give good tidings to the patient.” [Surah Baqarah, 2:155]
So what are some practical steps you can take to cope with divorce, infertility, cancer, a miscarriage, unemployment, or some other form of loss or betrayal?
- Make heartfelt, sincere Dua to Allah ﷻ
- Don’t let yourself become bitter or resentful
- Seek sincere Mashwarah and support
- Make 2 Nafl Hajah your respite
- Give regular Sadaqah (charity)
1. Make heartfelt, sincere Dua to Allah ﷻ
The Dua that comes straight from the heart is always accepted. Mufti Taqi Usmani reflects that he can’t recall ever making Dua in his life that came straight from the heart and wasn’t accepted.
If there’s ever a Dua that isn’t accepted, the shortcoming will always be from the end of the person making Dua – never from the One who hears and responds to our Duas.
Making Dua from the heart means that you make Dua with:
- the humility and insistence of a beggar,
- the conviction that it will definitely be accepted, and
- complete focus of both your heart and mind.
Any Muslim man or woman who is facing a difficulty, going through a painful time, or feeling desperate should turn to Allah ﷻ alone and beg Him for respite.
2. Don’t let yourself become bitter or resentful
Don’t keep bringing up or recalling the bitter memories of the past.
Try to make peace with them and keep yourself busy with fruitful activities.
If you know someone in your family or friends who is going through a rough time or just found out some bad news, try to give them company and keep them busy. If they stay idle while dealing with their problems, this will only increase their anxiety and despair.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Whoever consoles a person stricken by calamity will have a reward equal to his.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
3. Seek sincere Mashwarah and support
Seek advice, guidance, and support from someone who:
- has gone through a similar difficulty,
- has your best interests at heart,
- will keep your confidence, and
- truly wants to bring you ease.
Don’t keep your pain to yourself – definitely share it with someone else to lighten your burden, but make sure this person wishes you well and will keep your secrets.
As a Muslim life coach, this third one really stands out to me.
In the good old days, you’d ideally be surrounded by Muslims who had your best wishes at heart, with friends and family who were mature and wise and you could turn to them for support if you were going through a difficult time.
Unfortunately, many of us are hard-pressed to find such sincere well-wishers and wise people in our circles these days.
Many of us are so busy and leading such mindless, God-less lives that we can’t offer anyone the kind of support, Naaseeha, and care that Allah ﷻ intended all of us to be offering each other.
Add to that generational differences and internalized cultural biases – you’d really find it difficult to find someone with the nonjudgmental, kind, caring, and wise attitude you need in challenging times, so YOU can in turn make wise decisions about your life and face those challenges head-on with clarity.
This is why it’s so essential, now more than ever before, to reach out to a Muslim mental health professional that you align with.
If you feel your problems are a mountain on your back that are crushing your spirit and making it nearly impossible to have a happy, God-centered, fulfilling life – get help. You were never meant to be struggling alone.
4. Make 2 Nafl Hajah your respite
Whenever you remember your pain and hurt, read 2 Rakat Hajah (2 units of voluntary prayer with the intention of seeking respite). Then make sincere heartfelt Dua once again.
This will bring peace and Sukoon to your heart, and you’ll also be rewarded again as if you were experiencing the grief for the first time.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever was stricken with a calamity and when he remembers it he says ‘Inna lillahi, wa inna ilayhi raji’un (Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return),’ even though it happened a long time ago, Allah will record for him a reward like that of the day it befell him.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
5. Give regular Sadaqah (charity)
Give regular charity as Sadaqah wards off evil and misfortune. Sadaqah cools the Wrath of Allah ﷻ.
Designate a fixed amount from your income that you will give regularly in Sadaqah to widows and orphans, the needy and the poor people.
Keep a Sadaqah Jar in your home and add money to it whenever you’re distressed. Then you can give the collective amount to someone who needs it.
(Inspired by an excerpt from a book on Duas.)
Which of these points resonates with you the most? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts! Also share this article with someone you know who’s going through a difficult time and could benefit, insha Allah.
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